Shit worth leaving your apartment for in Madrid this week

Café Central (Ateneo), Centro

TODAY 8:00 PM • See Website

“Fourteen years of Madrid swing, on a Monday, in the city's jazz living room. Dance badly.”

Cineteca Madrid (Matadero), Arganzuela

THU 8:00 PM • €3.50

“A movie that roasts Madrid in its title, shown in Madrid, with the director there to defend it.”

Siroco, Malasaña

THU 9:00 PM • Free

“A one-night art show on a club's 12 screens. See it, then stay for the DJ. Free.”

Cadavra, Centro

THU 11:59 PM • Free-€15

“Thursday-night techno in a basement off Gran Vía. Free before the queue gets smart.”

Café Central (Ateneo), Centro

FRI 10:00 PM • See Website

“Nigerian guitarist who opened for Manu Dibango, playing Lagos-cut Afro-jazz. Sit still. Try.”

Madrid Comedy Lab, Centro

FRI 10:00 PM • €13.54

“Expat comics roasting Spanish dinner times, at 10pm, which proves the point.”

Sala Villanos, Arganzuela

FRI 11:00 PM • €20

“Dan Shake's disco-garage chaos plus Madrid techno royalty. Sleep is a Sunday thing.”

Museo del Ferrocarril (Mercado de Motores), Arganzuela

SAT 11:00 AM • Free

“Food trucks, vintage stalls and vermouth between old steam trains. Madrid's best Saturday.”

Secret Location (Madrid), Other

SAT 12:00 PM • €25

“18 hours in a secret warehouse starting at noon. Eat breakfast first. Seriously.”

Espacio Próxima Estación, Other

SAT 4:00 PM • Free

“40+ stalls of fanzines, upcycled clothes and prints. The name translates to Another F*cking Market.”

Capitol Gran Vía, Centro

SAT 11:00 PM • €18

“A Cádiz comic exiled to Valencia, doing 11pm stand-up under the Schweppes sign. Very salao.”

The Bassement, Chamberí

SAT 11:59 PM • €25

“Hypnotic techno under a red light from midnight to 6. 800 people already said yes.”

Paseo de Recoletos, Salamanca

SUN 11:00 AM • Free

“A boulevard of old-book stalls: first editions, 1970s porn comics, maps of countries long gone.”

The Garage, Other

SUN 5:00 PM • €25

“Dixon and Âme on a holiday-eve Sunday, 5pm to midnight. Monday's a national holiday. Go.”

Sala El Sol, Centro

SUN 11:59 PM • Free

“Shakira's Madrid residency ends; the hips do not stop. Reggaeton nostalgia till close.”

Explanada de Puente del Rey, Madrid Río, Other

MON 12:00 PM • Free entry

“14 taco stands, mezcal, raicilla and sotol by the river, with prizes for Best Taco. Holiday lunch.”

Café Central (Ateneo), Centro

MON 8:00 PM • See Website

“Voice, clarinet, cello and piano doing boleros and Brazilian tunes. Holiday Monday, sorted.”

Teatro Lope de Vega, Centro

MON 8:30 PM • €52+

“Heartbreaker himself, seated, in a velvet Gran Vía theatre on a bank holiday. Bring tissues.”